Logo: Member of National Family Mediation
How does it work?
A qualified mediator will meet with you both for a series of sessions, in which you will be helped to:
- Make a list of all the matters you wish to consider
- Collect the necessary information
- Talk about the choices open to you
- Negotiate with each other in order to reach decisions which are practicable and acceptable to you both.
- Discuss how you can consult your children appropriately about arrangements you decide to make.
What does the mediator do?
The mediator's job is to act as an impartial third party, helping you exchange information, ideas and feelings constructively so you can progress towards joint decision-making. The mediator has no power to impose a settlement; responsibility for all decisions remains with you as you know better than anyone else what is right for your family. The mediator will not advise you or protect your individual interests. That is your solicitor's job and we therefore suggest that you see a solicitor before you make any agreements to check that they will be in your interests.
Can mediation cover all the issues?
Yes, we offer mediation on everything - children, property, maintenance etc - arising from the break-up of your relationship, including - with your permission - offering your children the opportunity to have a voice.
How many meetings will there be?
That depends on what you need to sort out and how well you co-operate together. The mediator will give you an estimate when she or he has seen you for an initial meeting. Generally speaking parenting arrangements take one or two sessions, financial settlement takes two or three sessions, and both parenting and finance together take between three and five meetings. Each mediation meeting will last for around one and a half hours.
We routinely offer parents the opportunity for their children to be invited to be involved. If you wish the mediator to see your children and the children agree, that meeting will take up to an hour and the mediator will want to see you both soon afterwards to give feedback. Where possible your mediator will arrange this to fit with your ongoing sessions. For more information please go to the Involving Children page on our website and see the Giving your Child a Voice section.
How much will it cost?
Details of charges can be seen on the charges page of our website and are also available by email or hard copy from the office. If you are eligible for public funding there will be no charge for mediation. An assessment of your eligibility will be made at the first meeting if you bring evidence of your income and housing and childcare expenses.
There is no charge for the mediator meeting with your children.
Is mediation suitable for everybody?
Sometimes mediation is not the best way for you to resolve your problems. You will have a chance to discuss this in more detail at your first meeting with the mediator.
What are the issues concerning the children?
The major decisions affecting the children are likely to be:
- Where they will live
- What arrangements will be made for them to spend time with each parent and other relatives.
- Special provisions, if any, which might need to be made about such matters as education, religion and health.
- The level of financial support required to meet their needs.
- How can they be appropriately consulted.
The mediator will understand that you may have quite different views on some or all of those matters and will help you build on your relationship as parents so you can focus more effectively on your children's needs.
Your mediator will also offer you the opportunity for your children to be seen in mediation. For more details about how this works please go to the Involving Children page of our website and the section on Giving your Child a Voice.
What about the Child Support Agency?
If you are on certain state benefits, the C.S.A may calculate and collect child support. Otherwise, you can make your own agreements about the support of your children. However each of you has the right to apply to the C.S.A at anytime for them to calculate the support that would be due. Knowing this figure may help your decision and you can find it out for yourself using the online claculator on the Child Maintenance Options website (see Resources for Separating Parents, Support in Mediation on this site for link).
How will money and property be tackled?
You will be asked to provide details of expected income and spending (as far as this can reasonably be predicted) and details of the value of your assets.
This means:
Making a list of all the money you usually earn or receive over a given period of time (weekly, monthly, etc).
Making a reasonable estimate of what you would expect to have to pay for in the future including housing.
Providing details of any property, savings, shares, insurance policies, pension rights and other capital assets in which either of you have an interest.
Identifying loans and debts for which either of you are liable.
Using this information, you will be helped to negotiate on such matters as:
The Family Home - who should live there, should it be sold and, if so, when and how should the money be divided? (In the case of a rented home, should the tenancy be changed or transferred?)
Maintenance and Child Support - how much should each contribute towards the living costs of the children. (and possibly of the adults?)
Possessions - how should these be shared between you?
Future benefits - does one person need to be compensated for the loss of pension rights, endowments, etc?
On all these issues the final outcome will depend very much on your views about:
- What is "fair" (which may not necessarily mean a 50/50 split)
- What is realistic
- What bests meets the needs of all members of the family, particularly the children.
- How your circumstances might be expected to change in the future.
- A Contract of Mediation
If you both agree to mediation, you will be asked to sign an Agreement to Mediate which includes a declaration that you agree to be open and honest with each other and not do anything which might pre-judge the outcome of the discussion.
Is Mediation Confidential?
Your discussions in mediation are confidential unless you jointly agree that information should be disclosed or unless the mediator is worried that someone will come to harm.
They are also legally privileged which means that what you say during mediation cannot later be used in Court as evidence. We will ask each of you to agree that all discussions during mediation take place only to attempt to reach a settlement and are on the basis that they are both confidential and will not be referred to in evidence in any court proceedings or affidavit about the same issue. But facts disclosed during mediation are regarded as open. Any facts provided by either of you during mediation about financial matters will need to be verified with supporting documents. Although these will be strictly confidential they may be used subsequently in court. If an agreement is not reached they can be used by a solicitor as a basis for further discussions.
If your children are seen in mediation their session is also private unless the mediator is worried that someone will come to harm and feedback will only be given to you in accordance with their wishes.
Will we have anything in writing?
At the end of every meeting you will be sent a summary of your progress, a list of what is outstanding and things to do before your next meeting. Towards the end of the series of meetings (if you are discussing financial settlement), when you have narrowed your choices down to one or two your mediator will suggest that you take some legal advice on your proposals and their consequences for you. After your final meeting a "Memorandum of Understanding" will be drawn up which is a statement of everything you have proposed during mediation.
If you have only agreed on some things you may receive a Mediation Outcome Summary which will set out your agreed proposals and will also state any issues you have not been able to agree on which may require further negotiations by your solicitor or perhaps a decision by the Courts.
If you have been mediating on child only issues and have agreed parenting arrangements your mediator will write these up for you in a Mediation Outcome Summary or a Parenting Plan.
However, neither the Memorandum nor Outcome Summary nor Parenting Plan will refer to the detailed discussions in mediation.
The Memorandum itself not legally binding, but is intended for your solicitor to use in preparing a legally binding agreement where appropriate.
Can any arrangements we make now be changed later?
Some Court Orders, particularly those of the "clean break" kind, will have a once-and-for-all effect as far as capital assets are concerned. This is one reason why it is important that you take advice from a solicitor. Other Orders, such as those relating to the amount of maintenance paid to spouse/children, may be changed at a later date on further application to the Court. The Court may also be prepared to consider an application to change an Order relating to the children if the original circumstances have altered significantly. Where no Court Order has been made about a particular issue, the arrangement may be changed by agreement between the two of you at some later date.
Can the Court impose arrangements different from those agreed?
The final authority always rests with the Court. However in practice the Court is unlikely to disregard an agreement freely arrived unless:
It is patently unfair to one of you
It is clearly not in the children's' best interests
Or
The facts on which the discussion was based turn out to be incorrect.
What happens if we can't agree on everything?
You may well have reached a certain level of agreement which can be written down and the areas still outstanding can be clarified. You can then instruct your solicitor to negotiate a final agreement on your behalf. Ultimately if you can not agree, the Court may have to make the decisions for you.
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